Shattered dream

Did you ever had a dream?A dream you thought of almost everday?A dream you really worked on and yet,it shattered right in front of you?I had such dream.My dream was to have friends,friends who love me and who I could love.Friends who I go out with every week and doing things like going to the cinema,playing together,going to festivals,parties..lots of friends,my own circle
.After two of trying to make this happen,all i could achieue was going out perhaps once or twice a month?It was frustrating to see how others were so popular while I couldnt make it.After all my work I realized that keeping on had no point.So i gave up one year ago.That's when I began my self development program,project new life.I studied myself,others,the world and all of a sudden it made sense.Failure was the natural result of my actions.I played a game I never understood and so kept on loosing.What drove me was the feeling of emptyness,not admiration and so I got only more of what I didnt want.I  began to pick up the shards of my dream and then I put them back together.Now..I have a chance of realizing my dream.I learned,I improved and now I know more than ever.The friends and the joy that comes with them are now withhin reach.Now it's time to act,time to build my own social circle,person by person my life gets new dimension
and finally,I can connect our hearts.
Dear friends I haven't met yet,I'm looking forward to approach you,to learn your names,to get to know you,to spend time with you,to help you,to love you.

Failure 1

Today I lost self control and engaged my habit again.Too bad,it was running so good but now I have to start over again.Must not give up.Usually i would get angry but I learned from my habit busting book that this is part of the process.Overcoming myself,that will be the testament on how far I have come.I defeat this habit by the end of this year,I promise.This proves that I am a boywonder! I will post every week from now on,describing my process.As for today I have to keep my self control.

Habit change day counter: 0

Habit change day 2

I must admit something today.For about 6 years I had a bad habit.It is very embarassing for me.I never told this to anybody and no one ever found out.A few days ago,after fighting my habit and giving in to it I decided to do something.If I dont stop now,I will never stop.It feels good afterwards but then the guilt arises because I lost self control.I know that I dont need it,it's simply a stimuly that found its way into my head but I remove it.I cant tell this to anyone,so I am on my own.That's a big challenge,but if I can do it,I made a huge improvement.Today I make a promise.I promise to change my habit into another more constructive one and become a happier and healthier person.

You are not responsible for how others feel about you

Elementary School

If you were to ask me 'what was the worst time of your life?' I would respond with 'My childhood'.I am always cofused why people want to return to their childhood.Although I had also good times,when thinking about my childhood these thoughts come to my mind : isolation,fights at home,homework with lots of tears,pressure.I remembered this because of the daily drama were are having at home.Whenever my 5 years old sister is doinp her homework,you hear screaming,yelling and punches.Day in and day out.The teaching methods of my mother are the same she used to teach me back then.It was similiar to training an animal''misbehaviour gets punished,good behavior is rewarded'' .Misbehaviour equalled answering questions uncorrectly and learning slow.Good behaviour was doing everything right and fast.That is where I developed my hate and fear for school.I must admit,their programming was strong even years later I was afraid of going home with bad grades.In fact today is the first time that I was able to surpass my programming to some extend.It's just funny and sad.The first few years of our lives are the most important.The programming one receives their determines the rest of ones whole life.You know,my parents often complain how lazy,slow or stupid I am in comparison to other people and after studying human behavior I realized: I turned exactly out how they 'wanted' me to be! I developed according to their programming.For example,they would constantly give me anti social suggestions such as : Dont  talk to stranges,dont trust anybody,everyone is your enemy,there are no friends,no girl wants you,sex is a sin,dont you dare to get intamite with a girl.That was my programming and what have I become?An insecure anti social.They are of course not to blame,they just passed on their own programming.But the story doesnt end here.Of course,I was different than my siblings.I always noticed that life had more to offer,I saw the other people,the ones who had everything,who were living beautiful lives.Below the layers of my programming I could always hear something: Dont take the world as it is.I never understood it,but i never accepted this world and so years passed and one day I found a few books.They talked a lot about social conditioning ,subconscious mind,suggestions and all of the sudden it made all perfect sense.My stubbornness paid and now I am finally overcoming my programming and a brighter life is now possible!This is a special year because it changed everything and soon,my new progamming will be completed!I will be an example of the mental frontier that the reshapes human condition

Today I failed